International Women’s Day and the Solution to Ending Sexual Violence

It’s International Women’s Day and I have been thinking about women who have influenced me, challenged me, and pushed me towards the woman I am today, many of whom are authors or women from history that have been largely forgotten until written about by modern day women. I have shared a list of some of them today here for those looking for some reading recommendations.

I love reading about women from the past, those whose paths helped lead the way for me to live and breathe the way I want today. I am privileged in many ways to be able to say that, as we know millions of women globally have yet to experience freedom to the extent I have being a white woman in my forties in the UK.

Whilst we still have a long way to go to achieve equality in all corners of the world, and at times it feels as though we are moving backwards rather than forwards, I remain deeply grateful to the women who came before us and simply refused to stay inside the boxes they were born into. For anyone who knows my story, it’s clear I have been inspired by the rebels that came before me.

The most inspiring people in this world are the women who step out of line. The women who question everything, who notice what others ignore, and who refuse to stay within the limits placed upon them. Some have died trying. Many are still trying today, continuing to challenge systems and obstacles that were never built with women’s freedom or safety in mind.

As I write this, I am thinking of the countless number of women around the world doing everything in their power to keep themselves and their children alive amidst bombs, displacement, man-made famine, droughts and winter storms, huddled in tents not knowing where their next meal will come from.

Much of the suffering we see around the world is man-made. War, displacement and violence are not natural disasters. They are choices made and systems maintained by people.

So what can we do?

We educate ourselves and each other. We look at where we are and help where we can. We start in our own communities, in our own families, noticing the injustices right where we live, and we work to remove the obstacles that are within our reach to remove. I touched on the importance of identifying our values and being able to stand in them, which you can read here.

For me personally, one issue sits at the centre of these reflections, and especially today with the headlines of the last few months as a backdrop: sexual violence.

As a survivor of child sexual abuse and domestic abuse, I am particularly attuned to these conversations in our society. I have spent many years thinking about what the solution is to ending what seems to be an ever growing problem. The conclusion I have come to, and the one I will continue to share again and again, with anyone who will listen is this: Sexual violence will only end when men hold other men to account.

The evidence is all around us. Abuse and sexual violence are able to remain so widespread largely because of the silence of those who see what is happening but say nothing. It is not only the rich and powerful protecting each other. It happens at every level of society when men decide something is “none of my business” and turn away. It is imperative that we all learn how to be proactive bystanders.

This is especially important for men who see themselves as “one of the good guys” for the women in their lives. The real test is whether you show up in the small moments that actually matter. Noticing how your friends behave in the locker room, on a night out, or at work. Learning how to challenge unacceptable behaviour instead of turning a blind eye, or worse, laughing along with the joke that was never funny in the first place.

If you want to be part of the solution, do more than offer empty platitudes. Equip yourself with the knowledge and skills needed to intervene and make a difference in the moments that matter.

TogetHER offers free online training that helps people become proactive bystanders. It takes just two hours and it’s free for individuals. I encourage you to take the training and to share it with others. Men, take the training and tell your friends to do the same.

If you consider yourself “one of the good ones,” this is where that matters. Not in what you say, but in what you do when it counts.